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The Search

[audio:http://dreamlandapparel.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Clint-Mansell-Kronos-Quartet-Requiem-For-A-Dream-Lux-Aeterna.mp3|titles=Clint Mansell, Kronos Quartet - Requiem For A Dream - Lux Aeterna]

I’ve fallen in love five times. The third was charming, and the fifth left scars as permanent as the second. The first was a teenage love affair I thought would haunt me forever, yet she fades farther toward forgotten daily. The first two became mistresses I dated on and off. Sporadic relationships fueled by drama. These were my “at-first-sight” types. It’s no surprise I failed to build upon such foundations.

The third was spoiled by the second. When the old flame returned it snuffed out the one I should have let burn. I soon found a fourth far different from the rest. The most physical of the lot… physical like friction. The sex was intoxicating, vulgar, and often. Yet, like Ms. Two she left me lonely. No need for explanations, I say that because neither gave one.

Happy Without Me ~ Dilan Manahan

Then came the fifth. She was the most unexpected, and her legacy remains lasting. In fact, this series so far has been all about her. However, like the four before her she is never coming back. Thus, I am left looking for a sixth.

This number suggests imperfection, god bless her if she is so. For, I am nothing if not imperfect. Am I ready for her, have I even met her yet? In honesty I answer ‘no’ to both questions, and such answers add to the stress. I cried tears with the women above, and over the same. Will you be providing both as well?

Post-Heartbreak ~ Dilan Manahan

You see I’ve got a past and plenty of problems. There’s my temper… How I know you’ll hate the tantrums. There’s also my baggage, so much designer names won’t matter. Enough pain behind my eyes that I can’t hide it with my laughter. I’m not the type to lie so let’s be honest… It’s easier to swim in fiction than drown in truth. Are you willing to take the risk, can you find the use? I’ll understand it if you can’t you now know that others couldn’t. You have to ask, ‘am I a risk worth taking?’ And if I ain’t, than I wouldn’t.

I’m tired of temporary fixes. No more band-aid babes. I need a woman that gives meaning to those words I love to say. And if you say them back please gift them with meaning. “I love you,” should be a truth we both believe in. If this sounds like a lot, if it’s more than you can handle. Step aside right now because I’ve already lit too many candles. And said too many prayers, and lost too many dreams. I’m not looking for Ms. Right-now, but Mrs. Everything.

I’ve had enough maybe madams, and none of them ever worked. Say yes and be my woman, say no and I’ll extend the search.


  • Chris Elliott

    Wowzers, dude. Really enjoyed reading this one. Probably your most creative blog yet. I really enjoyed those bars at the end. Your vulnerability within these words is inspiring to say the least. Much respect and love. 

    • Anonymous

      Appreciated. Though I don’t believe it is my best written in the series, at least it’s a new direction. Thank you as always for supporting a series that has a lot of drama within it.

  • Anonymous

    Say yes and be her man. – great post dude. love the sound track. 

    • Anonymous

      If she ever comes along… I’ll let you know. Till then I am slowly working on re-imagining this series. I can’t part with it, but it’s without question begun a search like the title suggests.

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