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The Gentleman’s Handbook: Touch Me, Tease Me


[audio:http://dreamlandapparel.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/14-Frank-Sinatra-14-ive-got-you-under-my-skin-.mp3|titles=14 - Frank Sinatra - 14-i've got you under my skin]

Of all the senses there is none so carnal as touch. Though the primal nature of taste must be recognized, I believe the hunger for contact far surpasses that of the belly. Thus, it becomes difficult to discuss this sense with language fit for the elite. But gentlemen, whoever said our kind was only amongst the upper crust?

The underlying narrative embedded within this series is that a gentleman is not simply a moustached man in tails, but rather the self-aware man who approaches advancement with humility. Such steps are difficult and often traverse through the trenches of disappointment. Life gets gloomy. From work to play much of life spins out of control, out of our hands. However, our hands are always ours, and are best when blessed with care.

Of all the organs none is as large and looming as your skin. Not only does it coat your frame with self-replenishing protection, it’s also an attractive bit of biology. Unfortunately we males are often too primitive to concern ourselves with proper maintenance. We pick at blisters and boils and scrub our skin with products more equipped with scents than sense. Thus in this edition we discuss my favorite part of bodily care, and I break it down as follows: Suds; Rubs; and Love.

Suds: Soap is a slippery substance, and I’m not speaking solely of jailhouse shower scares. “Soap is a combination of animal fat or plant oil and caustic soda. When dissolved in water, it breaks dirt away from surfaces.” This cleansing creation is accredited to the Phoenicians and has aided the skins of every race ever since. The brands that stick to this simplistic formula are the best for your skin. Like most things in life, the more cooks in the kitchen, the less pleasure in the pot. Meaning, much of today’s chemical concoctions are more perfume for odor than purifying agent. So to aid this agenda I’m including a list of quality bars from the folks over at “The Urban Gentleman,” (HERE). Prices range from $1.35 –> $22 a bar. Add to that a sea-foam sponge for soaking and a pumice stone from scrubbing and you’re set for sculpting smooth skin.

Rubs: However, the saga continues after the shower is over. Another major male mistake regarding skincare is forgetting to apply moisturizer. Far too often the only reason a man buys lotion is to lube up Tiny Tim for the one-legged race. Surprisingly there’s uses for moisturizer beyond tossing some tadpoles into a dirty sock. Though you may think moisturizer unnecessary your aging skin will state its case come thirty-plus. Applying a simple and suitable body lotion daily will serve you well in the fight against lines and wrinkles. And I don’t care how tough you are, no human longs for the troubling marks of approaching death.

Wondering what to buy? Here are some test results from Canadian Living that are likely to help, Top 21 Body Lotions.

Love: The Twist turns as follows. The point of having such stunning skin is to better appreciate hers. Smooth heels play fair under covers; an unblemished face allows your eyes to meet; and soft hands dance atop her skin and dig into her flesh. Imagine your morning routine as a sacrament, a delicate art and baptismal practice. She is the plains of heaven you yearn to walk through… and with proper preparation you will be blessed to do so.

Her body is the braille of an ancient epic; a wondrous web woven long ago. It speaks of life in the shadow of death, and the pains of prosperity. She is the fertility of Isis and the wet want of Ishtar. Forged from godly fire like Ishat, she is love like Aphrodite. Poetic as Minerva and as timeless as Kali, she is mother like Mary and warrior like the Valkyrie.

She is woman, the origin of worship. See that the hands that pray for such be clean enough to do so.

For skin once worthy is exactly what she’ll be under ;)


  • Chris Elliott

    Dude, I have to say. This piece is extremely well done. You have really honed in on your skills as a writer in the Gentleman’s Handbook. I LOVE this series, and I’m very glad you’ve been pursuing it. Great song choice too! 

    • Anonymous

      Thanks slime. With only one more to go, it will be nice to see how the series sits after all five senses have been covered. There are little things embedded in each piece that make them memorable for me. Glad you like the fact Frank is attached to the sounds of every one. 

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