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The Gentleman’s Handbook: The Valiant Taste

[audio:http://dreamlandapparel.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/11-Frank-Sinatra-11-they-ant-take-that-away-from-me-.mp3|titles=Frank Sinatra -they can't take that away from me] In Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar it is said, “Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.” Certainly a pithy piece of truth with layers of honest strata. Thus, a healthy diet of heart and valor ensure the Grim Reaper’s black liquor only be supped once. Until that time every man worthy to wear the title needs some supplementary nourishment. Therefore, the Gentleman’s Handbook moves further south, from nose to lips, and a commentary on “taste.”

Taste, when talking of the tongue, is a troublesome topic. Sugars, oils, and salts have ever been the most enjoyable flavors, and subsequently the most dangerous. Despite our elementary education the majority of males fail to feed themselves properly. In fact, more concern is given to proper car maintenance then that of the body.

Although simplicity has failed this species previously it seems the only resource capable of aiding my textual quest. And so I will break down diet into a tri-fold structure: What to eat; Where to buy it; and How to cook it.

What to Eat?

The majority of fast food and packaged goods should be viewed as enemies at the gates, or at least enemies that will exit through your rear gates with great vengeance and furious anger.  Certainly there is room for the responsible Subway sandwich and marshmallow-less breakfast cereal, but for the most part beware of easy fixes.

Fruits, vegetables, dairy, and whole grain products should provide you with the majority of your calories and nutrients. Unfortunately this leaves little room for the bacon and steaks you endlessly crave, and rightfully so. That stench that permeates past your pores comes from the excess of iron you choose to ingest. I know you’ll excuse your actions as protein needed to keep your chest pubes curling, but I fail to see the sense. Fish, plain yogurt, and unsalted nuts are quality substitutions that will fair you well. Trust me, if you don’t thank me for putting this advice into practice your organs will.

Where to buy it?

Yes, a grocery store! I’m glad your mind can trace a line. So with that simple start let us expand. Not just ANY grocery store, but those with proper butchers, bakers, and produce suppliers. If you fancy yourself a carnivore that is quite the pipe-dream; and though I already cautioned limited intake I also stress quality control. Saran-wrapped slices of meat are not the crème-de-la-crème. If it isn’t being placed on wax paper find a place which provides proper service.

This isn’t to say that a wrapper equates to satisfying selections, (that is an art that rests in your eye). What it means is that the food is fresh, and such an attribute should be valued. Crisp and current options are what make food manageable. Local produce is to be favored over foreign fair, and baked goods are best when made in store. A finger for taste is better than a series of hands. Meaning, the less people that touch your food the better!

How to Cook it?

For your properly portioned fleshy bits the grill is your choice surface for processing. Thankfully the gods blessed man’s favorite cooking apparatus (the BBQ) to be the best for you. The trick is timing and temperature, simply flipping a bloodied cut about is not barbequing.

Barbequing is also far from the only flame to cook with. Stove tops and ovens abound, and though you may refer to them as a woman’s watch, they are rather the place where food babies come from.

However, in order to use these metaphorical storks properly consider what you cook with. Most food needs agents to stimulate the process. Oils, sugars, and water are most preferred. Consider this to be factual and use the following: Olive Oil, Honey, and… well water is water. With regards to the first two ingredients they are natural and healthy alternatives that offer you the fats and carbs you need without the regrets of gut rot.

See I said this was simple, but such basics are only the beginning.

The Switch

With every edition of the of the Gentleman’s Handbook there comes ‘the switch.’ As each piece concludes I part from my prose about how a sense relates to you, and reflect upon how the same can stimulate the opposite sex.

Taste seems to be the most obvious sense to excite, and I’m not talking about making her dinner. No, as Dwayne Carter puts it, “I like to taste that sugar… that sweet and low. But hold up wait, new position. I put her on my plate, and do the dishes.” However, this isn’t simply a game of gripping her hips and taking a dip. No, love starts on her lips. Taste them as though they are ambrosia, for there is nothing on earth as sweet.

May you find a taste so memorable that it never be taken from you.


  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000583209773 Sabrina Camp

    this was funny!
    and i like the pictures – especially the last one :)

    • Anonymous

      AWWW!!! Thanks Bri-Bri. You’ve read the entire series thus far, just Touch and Hearing to go. I saved both for last as they are going to be my favorite two to cover :)  

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