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Teenage Love Affair

The temperature has dropped, and the leaves are questioning their color. Pencil cases have been resupplied, and jackets slide off their hangers. Winter is coming. Summer loves have fallen. And as the ambitious are ushered off to institutions, I sit and reminisce about such adolescent undertakings.

Never in my life had the sisters of fate seemed so oppressive. Never in my life had Venus been so adamant about adherence to her gospel, love.

Love was all I wanted. Having it was another story, holding onto it yet another. Eros and Athena demanded their payments, but such costs were worth the coin. Part of me is convinced they still are, and foolishly I entertain my fantasies, careless romance with a care-free beauty. Yet, I’m told in growing old I must also grow up. The sacrifices such heights demand include any talk of fairytales. I’m a man now, and love has become an expense I can’t afford.

I once thought it to be a gift offered to all those who asked for it. Too often I allowed myself to be coerced into believing it a lie I would never know as truth. However, I see it paraded before me just as much now as ever. Lovers still hold hands, steal kisses, and honor glances. Diamond rings still accompany proposals, and wedding bells ring every weekend. Cynicism may slip between the cracks, and pessimism may persist, but star crossed lovers still collide, court, and create life. Whether or not I want to believe in love is irrelevant, it’s as ever-present as air.

I haven’t breathed in so long that such air seems unnecessary. Perhaps all I’ve ever believed in is false, and in time I’ll understand that solitude is what the Olympians have seen fit for me. I don’t know. In quiet moments such as these I still cling to the spirit of the “teenage love affair.” Those days in which I believed a woman could be mine and I hers; that our offering could be agreed upon with a kiss, and sealed with acquiescing flesh.

Another aspect of me has been increasing annually, and though his voice was once a whisper he now speaks in fuller tones. He tells me that trust is an interesting conversation, not a gift worth giving. That communication keeps you honest, but who’s honestly worth communicating with? And sex… well sex is explained by this well spoken gentleman as a younger man’s past time; a hobby with no future in it. He offers straight-forward maxims that despite being easy to understand are hard to live with.

I want to be in love again, and I’m scared I never will be. I want to be in love again, and I work tirelessly to ensure I never will be. I want to be in love again, and I support the pillars that uphold I never will be. I’m seriously conflicted to say the least.

However, of one thing I am sure. There is nothing is overwhelming as love, nothing as memorable. And although love is lost, it is far from forgotten.

Comments

  • Chris Elliott

    Wow man. This is, no questions asked your best love blog besides the first one. I was gripped to every word. VERY well written. These twists and turns you take us on with your words are always appreciated. I hope all is well with you, dog. Though love seems distant, or dangerous, it is worth it. Hold on. 

    • Anonymous

      We shall see… I got a new piece coming to further this recent twist called: Adoration 101. Should be out sometime in the next week. 

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