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Adoration 101

“I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing… cause when a heart breaks know it don’t break even.” ~ Break Even

No it breaks into million pieces, and each fragment is polarized to one of two magnetic poles; two opposing emotions that beg the heart to be its home. The first though dark and dreary seems more comforting at first. The ease of “Hate” makes her both a welcome bedfellow, as well as an embracing womb. “Love” on the other hand though spoken of with flowery language is often a lifeless plant; a promised land too often storm-ridden.

“Girl I’m moving on, just take your ass home… get away from here! Girl I’m so glad you’re gone, this is the last song I’m writing for you. Now I see how you can be, I don’t want you ‘round me all you do is down me girl.” ~ How to Hate

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Betrayal stings and scars; depression consumes and controls; and all roads lead to hate. She hurt you. She did a number. She made you believe that hate was not only viable, but permissible. You volunteered your soul upon vulnerability’s alter, and though you sacrificed everything in her name you were left wanting. Of course you hate the bitch, for a bitch is exactly what she is. At least an afternoon with logic has convinced you this is fact. And it feels good to say it, scream it, put it in writing and publish it. Hate distracts you from the pain depression brought you. Hate makes you feel moral whilst at the same time pointing out how she is everything but. It’s blinding, but sometimes there is nothing left to see.

“Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner, looking through your thoughts and looking over your shoulder… You had a lot of dreams that transformed to visions. The fact you saw the world affected all your decisions.” ~ How to Love

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Let’s be honest, she’s not an evil mastermind. Though games may have been played after your tragic end, they were more Scrabble than Risk. Words of frustration and acts for attention, but in some strange way they stemmed from the same seed that started it all, love.  You did the same in turn. Though you want to admit that every verb and gesture were pure in point, they weren’t. Now, the point is exactly what you need to return to.

I’ve been accused of loving with no reservations, whole-heartedly, and intensely. I know of no other way. If love is what we are discussing now, then in truth love is what I gave. And though I may not have taught you how to love, I showed you how you should be: with no reservations, whole-heartedly, and intensely.

Love: It’s overwhelming, frustrating, and complicated. That said, it’s a heaven to the hell of hate.

 

Comments

  • Chris Elliott

    WOW. Very impressed with this, sir. What a great piece. Those bookend tracks provided a wonderful background to your double take of love. Definitely a lot of mixed emotions in your head right now, it seems. That said, it must feel great to vent them. Applause for another great <3 blog for the books.

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